just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
