Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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