Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
