He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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