I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
