I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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