A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i now understand why vodka
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
