Fuck appropriateness.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize