Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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