this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize