There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
