I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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