There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
