Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
