I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
