look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
