Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
