We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
