oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize