apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
