I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
