Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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