...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize