I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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