I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
