never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
