I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
