I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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