it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And then my night got REAL pukey
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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