We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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