break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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