Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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