well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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