I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
