You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
