I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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