walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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