he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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