If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize