ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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