my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
