dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
