hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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