am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
