grandma shit on top of the toilet
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
