I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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