need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
