im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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