pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How naked do you want me to be?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
