Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
