She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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