That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He felt like a one man threesome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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