my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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