Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
