he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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