K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
