I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize