it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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