so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
