Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
