The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
