when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
