boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
