Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
