my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
