Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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