Are we in a gay sports bar?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
