I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
