I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
