I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
